Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
