you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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