i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
