It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
