We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Blood and glitter go together right?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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