I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
There r osticjed everywhere
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
