your parents love me but you hate me
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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