My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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