a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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