You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
