I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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