I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
