I just cut my nipple shaving
I wish they made helmets for livers.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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