So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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