Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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