Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
