You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You're so nebulous sometimes
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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