you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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