So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
