I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Duck Duck Cougar?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
