Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
