Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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