Michael Bay diarrhea
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just want nice things and good sex
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
