I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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