guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
