the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
