College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Ladies don't puke and tell
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize