if i can run in heels then i can drive
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
