So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize