you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
