And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
