woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
