I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
