The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
