She said her name was "party"
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
