I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
