That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
