They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize