she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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