I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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