Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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