He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
