Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
