just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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