why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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