there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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