Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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