Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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