there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
