we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So many bounce houses so little time
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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