It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize