I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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