guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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