1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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