If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
