I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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