Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
