i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
