He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
