So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
