Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
