Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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