Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
