Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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