so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
