I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
you are never too drunk for berry picking
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
