i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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