; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize