he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
