I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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