if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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