There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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