If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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