Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
