Your dad touched me again.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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