Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
