my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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