hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
