I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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