Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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