What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
