First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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