just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I need moral support for this bender
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
