And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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