Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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