my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My bed smells like the plague
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
