I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
