You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
