some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
