The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
