You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
