Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I look better un-naked...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
