Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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