Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
