On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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