shes about as inviting as chlamydia
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
