I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I will pee on everything he values.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
