Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
