Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize