im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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