I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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