I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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