What did we do last night that was yellow?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
