an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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