All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
