before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
