I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
But we have bathrooms and they dont
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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