I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
