he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
