I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Can you bring me the toilet please
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
